I think this will be my last letter for you.

  我想,這會是我給你的最後一封信了。

 

  捏著手中的信紙,我顧不得自己的力道在那張淡紫色的紙張上留下了難以抹滅的痕跡。上頭熟悉的字跡寫下的話語,之於我……就像是我手裡難以控制的力道一般。

 

  Can you understand why I chose this? Yes, just as I can speculate on what you think when you understand everything.

  你可以明白我為何這麼選擇嗎?可以的吧,就像我可以推測到你明白一切時會有什麼樣的想法。

 

  這是今早我在姊姊的房間裡發現的信,而姊姊……早已經不在房裡。

 

  Hey, after all, we are sisters, we grow up together, we know each other... but you probably don't think so now, right?

  嘿,畢竟我們是姊妹啊,我們一起長大,也了解彼此……但你現在大概不這麼覺得了,對吧?

 

  我發現這封信時,首先感到的是驚訝、不知所措,還有慌亂。而後……是不敢置信。

 

  Let yourself face the ceremony alone, you will not forgive me, right?

  讓你自己一個人面對儀式,你一定不會原諒我吧?

 

  我不敢相信……姊姊,在這樣的時候,居然,一個人逃走了。

 

  I don't want to be a sacrifice... but I know that you are the same. So a month ago, after the gods instructed the father to choose the sacrifices from the two of us, we made an appointment to tell the winner, and we will decide who can live with the blood we love. Who let us all love this home as much?

  我不願成為祭品……但我知道,你也一樣。所以一個月前,神明指示父親大人從我們兩人中選擇祭品之後,我們約好要分出勝負,將以我們所愛的血脈,決定誰才能活下去。誰讓我們都一樣愛著這個家呢?

 

  我以為,姊姊會和我一起面對的,就像我們約好的一樣。因為我們……都一樣深愛著這個家呀。

 

  Everything ... I do not regret all the things I have done for today, including deceiving you. However, you have the right to know the truth, so I wrote this letter and told you all the truth.

  所有的事……我為了今日所做的所有事情,包括欺騙了你,我並不後悔。只不過你擁有知道真相的權利,所以,我將告訴你一切。

 

  但是、但是,這封信是如此的真實,是姊姊的字跡,是姊姊留下來的沒有錯。

 

  Believe in yourself. Compared with me, you are indeed stronger than you think, even more than me. I have no confidence to win in the test. This is the reason why I do this.

  相信你自己吧。和我比起來,你確實比你所認為的、甚至比我更加強大,我沒有信心能在比試中取勝,這就是我之所以這麼做的原因。

 

  她真的走了……拋下了我,以及我們一起面對的約定,只留下了這封信陳述一切。

 

  Everything is so smooth, it is also because of your simplicity and trust in me... I have used you, sorry, you must hate me.

  而這整件事情能夠如此順利,也是因為你的單純和對我的信任……我利用了你,對不起,你一定很恨我吧。

 

  我不知道……我不知道我該以什麼樣的心情面對現在,事已成定局的現在。

 

  Do you remember what we said? We grow up together, learn to use strength together, and get to know the world together. We have said that it is good to explore the world together in adulthood, but this is already impossible. All the conventions...after all, they are not comparable to "Chaskar", which is for us.

  你還記得我們曾經說過的話嗎?我們一起長大、一起學著使用力量,一起認識這個世界。我們曾說好在成年後要一起探索這個世界,但這早已是不可能的了。所有的約定……終究都比不上「夏斯卡爾」,這點對我們而言都是。

 

  捏著信紙,我閉上眼,深呼吸了口氣。現在這種時候,我應該要冷靜下來,才能好好思索應該怎麼做。

 

  I don't know... but I am really sorry. I always think about some things, if it can be achieved with regrets, how good it should be.

  我不知道……但是,真的對不起。我總想著有些事情,如果還能懷抱著遺憾實現的話,那該有多好。

 

  現在不是迷惘的時候,時間不多了,很快、父親大人很快便會知道發生了什麼事,我必須盡快做出決定──關於我接下來該怎麼做。

 

  Can I make myself selfish like this?

  可以讓我自私這麼一回嗎?

 

  重新睜開眼,我垂眸望著信紙上的語句,說不清自己的心情……如此複雜。

 

  However, I will not be able to get your answer anymore. After all, it is difficult for us to meet again. Maybe I cannot change anything like this, but, sorry... this is my choice, please understand.

  然而,我終將無法得到你的答案了吧,畢竟我們也很難再見面了。或許我這樣說已無法改變什麼,但是,對不起……這是我的選擇,請你諒解。

 

  但是,只有一點,至始至終都不會變的。

  我小心翼翼地將信紙塞回信封內,接著,邁步走向父親的書房。

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